There are very
few things I can say for sure regarding the long and winding journey of grief.
Having experienced more loss than some, but not nearly as much as others. An
expert I am not, a novice just maybe. What I do know for sure is nine years
later I still have moments of disbelief, days of sadness, and momentary signs
of a father who left me too early: A rain shower on a clear afternoon, a breeze
that graces my face on a still day, and a feeling in the pit of my stomach that
lets me know I am still on the right path. This day is an annual reminder of
the precious moments that make life so wonderful.
The stories that
are told and the memories that are reminisced prove his legacy was and still is
great. So great, that on this day every year his devoted admirers set their
normal daily routine aside and live a life or even just a moment a little bit
harder for him. From ocean to ocean people are taking a moment today to truly
live…in his honor. Celebrating a life that was lived fully and completely.
This day is also
a reminder of the distance I have traveled—nine years missing my rudder and
many of those years spent lost, navigating life, decisions, and love on my own.
I wondered if I would ever come out on the other side. Not sure if I am safely
on the other side or if the other side even exists, I do know that I have
traveled a great distance from that fateful morning that changed everything.
Now able to recognize that that instant was just one among many, all part of a
larger plan, a plan that I am now beginning to see, feel, and experience as
each ah-ha moment occurs.
Acceptance that
the rudder may never return has been a difficult and sometimes very sad
realization, but one that has remained crucial to my happiness. Learning that a
rudder is merely one source not the only source of direction has been another
important lesson. I say this because the wind in my sails returned thanks to
one special man friend, and direction I most certainly have found. He has the
same expectation from life that I was so accustomed to, he has the same
intensity towards adventure that dictated my childhood, and he has the same
twinkle in his eye when a peak has been scaled, a black diamond has been defeated,
and a new skill has been artfully mastered. The rudder I have learned to live
without, because the wind has proven to give me direction and it is that
twinkle that truly keeps me going.
e&e
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| The Rudder, The Wind, & The Twinkle...Life Is Good |
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